The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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