And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
