hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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