Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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