I just made out with a guy for $7.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
