Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
handjob tips. give me some.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize