I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
