Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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