chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
