It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
