covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize