420 ftw
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
