if i can run in heels then i can drive
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
