Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
