I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize