while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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