kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
