So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
