im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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