walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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