I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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