just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
