So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize