I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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