dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize