omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
