She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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