If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
