he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
