i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
