I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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