Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
be right there i have to get my cape
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
