Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We left the knife in your bed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
