if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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