I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
