I'm really into asian looking animals
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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