Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
