he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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