Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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