The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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