no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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