you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
