I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
