how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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