i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
