Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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