i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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