I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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