I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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