Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
