If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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