Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I will be naked everywhere
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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