I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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