I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
