So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
