Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
