I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize