so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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