You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
