I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
