last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
