I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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