you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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