i don't like sucking hair
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
