I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize