Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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